Shorts That Don't Suck - Part 2
I think I'm a bit uptight about tight shorts.
And here we are, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: part 2 of my series “Shorts That Don’t Suck.” I feel like I should be transparent, these shorts I’m about to show you all don’t actually not suck. Some suck less than others, but for the most part I’ve discovered it’s really, really hard (at least for me) to find a pair of tight shorts that I genuinely love. Also my apologies for the gap between this review and my other shorts review - I wanted to post them back to back but I was waiting on two additional options to arrive. And it’s a good thing for both you and I that I waited because those two turned out to be my favorite ones.
Before I get to it, a quick overview as to what defines “tight shorts” (or “short tights” as they are often sometimes referred to, but honestly toe-may-toe toe-mah-toe as they almost all gave me cal-mah-toe). Tight Shorts are literally shorts that are tight (seems obvious but need to state it). As for the criteria in which I reviewed these against, the same high standards I had for loose shorts hold true in the world of tight shorts as well. These must look cool and function. In regards to whether one might choose a tight short over a loose one for running, I feel there are 2 main benefits for going tight. The first one being storage, and the second one being coverage. From a design standpoint, it is so incredibly easy to build in multiple pockets and storage options that there is no excuse for not having them. I also feel it is far more comfortable to wear a longer length tight short (inseams ranging 5”-8”) than it is a loose one (unless you’re Courtney Dauwalter in which case you do you) because the fabric is skin tight (and often offers an added level of compression) so there’s less opportunity for bunching in unfortunate places.
What I realized through doing this exercise is that while my happy place might be running in shorts and a bra in Hawaii, when running in SF I actually prefer to feel more covered up. Some of the tight shorts I tried left me feeling naked and not in a good ‘I’m free!’ kind of way but rather a naked on the first-day-of-school-with-no-clothes-on kind of way. I’m not a big fan of longer length tight shorts (think 7” or 8” inseam) as I’m only 5’2” so by default I tend to err on the shorter side. I also discovered that shorter isn’t always better because a 4” inseam has the ability to ride up so bad it ends up being closer to 2” of coverage. Which then leads to me feeling all those not-great-naked feels and really wishing I had chosen a far less populated route for my run. Many brands try to safeguard against this by adding grip to the interior hem, however I found it to be basically useless (maybe with the exception of the Bandit shorts I tried). Anyway, through all this I found my sweet spot to be a 5” inseam. Most tight shorts are offered in both a 5” and 7” option if you prefer something longer or have legs like a gazelle.
I think for me tight shorts will be more of a transition/winter run option. I don’t love running in full length tights and I don’t feel like it gets cold enough in SF to need them anyway. That said, we will get some chilly damp mornings in the winter and I like that tight shorts hug my lower body in a way that there’s no air blowing around my business, keeping me a little warmer. While I didn’t necessarily find any of these to be particularly hot when running, I did struggle with outfitting these in the heat. All my run tanks are tight and I don’t love a tight on tight vibe. I also wouldn’t pair any tight shorts with just a sports bra - it feels baring in a way I don’t experience if I’m in a looser bottom. I also just really love the idea of a pair of tight shorts/oversized long sleeve tee or a pair of tight shorts/sweatshirt situation for fall and winter running. Either of these scenarios would also be possible with loose shorts, but with tight shorts it gives me some good 90s vibes that I am 100% here for.
The final consideration I have for all tight things in the world of bottoms is…camel toe. Or in some cases it felt more like ‘camel hoof.’ I’ve given birth naturally so maybe I’m predisposed but I found the camel toe situation to be very, very real with most of the tight shorts I tried. Not a deal breaker as I’m perfectly ok with wearing undies but also not really the same free and airy feeling I get when I wear my loose tights. Tight shorts can be constructed with or without a center front seam so one might assume no seam down the front would be a safer, toe free option however, that wasn’t always the case (in my experience). Things like gusset construction (that little triangular bit in between the legs), fabrication and I don’t know maybe it really is just anatomy? all seem to play a role. I also learned a new term, moose knuckle, through my research which if you haven’t heard before you’re welcome? I did a literal LOL when I learned it as this might be the only term for men that is slightly worse than it’s feminine counterpart.
Do yourself a favor, stop reading, save some time and just go buy these. They are hands down my new favorite shorts next to my other favorite shorts. I bought these on a whim because they were pushed to me via a targeted Instagram ad and only cost $35. Two things I am apparently very skeptical about : Instagram ads and cheap activewear. I also had never heard of the brand before and was even that much more skeptical when adding to cart. Basically I thought for sure I’d hate them but they were such a low stakes investment I figured I’d give them a try. Luckily none of any of this was true and I actually love them. Throughout my run I kept thinking ‘these must have been designed by a woman’ and ‘she must have worn and tested these a lot’ because they fit so well. They actually stayed in place and didn’t give me camel toe. I want to purchase their 50 mile short next because it looks to be the same fit but with even more pockets and (a few) more colors to choose from.
I wore these for the first time the other day on a 7 mile run. We had some logistic challenges to juggle and long story short I had to drop our car off for Matt to use and ended up running home from his office. The pockets on these shorts are extra deep - they literally go from the hem all the way to the start of the waistband and they were a dream for me to carry everything I needed (which happened to be: keys, phone, credit card/license and had I need to carry more it all would have fit!). I decided to wear undies as I was literally throwing them on and heading out the door so if the toe was cameling I didn’t have time to pivot. I did however, wear these sans undies post-run around the house for maybe 4 hours before finally showering because that’s how much I care about getting you all a very thorough review (and I can be very, very lazy). They were incredibly comfortable and there was nary a camel’s toe to be seen. I actually had a mini-epiphany as I was walking from the kitchen to the couch for the 11th time that while camel toe might be the obvious indicator of whether a pair of short tights is appropriate to wear commando so is the back seam - aka the one that runs directly between the butt cheeks. The few shorts I found where I was actually able to run commando still left me feeling really exposed because the back seam would creep into a position where I felt like each cheek was defined and on full display. Maybe you like the added definition in your backyard and that’s your thing but I prefer the seam and my shorts in general to not be in a position to give me a colonoscopy. These shorts stayed put. I wore them all afternoon, post-run/sans undies and no creepage was to be had in either the front or the back. No hungry bums or vaginas here!
Unrelated/related I tend to find tight shorts a lot less versatile and comfortable than loose shorts. Most of the tight shorts I tried I couldn’t wait to get off as soon as I was finished with my run (something about the tight fabric, sweat and lack of ventilation would leave me feeling itchy and claustrophobic) and there was always something about them - whether it be inseam, fabric, general design details - that felt so overtly technical that it limited my outfitting options or what activities I might wear them for outside of running. These however, I would absolutely wear as regular shorts and wouldn’t hesitate to wear to a yoga or pilates class. I felt covered and because the shorts didn’t creep up I wouldn’t think twice about doing squats or some random cirque du soleil move on a reformer. 11/10 would recommend and 100% would carry one day in my physical running store. Buy these. The end.
Bandit Stamina 5” Compression Short
I was really excited to try these as I’ve been following this brand since they started. Aesthetically this brand is way cooler than I am - it’s all edgy Brooklyn hipster while I’m a bit more West Village vintage but I have tattoos and a solid running bitch face so thought maybe I could pull them off? I can confirm I 100% did not look as cool as their models when I wore them and I can also confirm that these shorts 100% do not suck. Which I was pleasantly surprised to discover as I was fully prepared to return them. They are a bit more overtly technical than I usually go for and in the same order I had purchased a pair of these loose shorts in hopeful anticipation that they might be as good as my no-longer-in-production favorite shorts. The fit ended up being just weird in all the wrong places and actually there aren’t any good places for fits to be weird. Dougie got an education as to what the term ‘dumpy butt’ meant and they immediately were sent back.
In terms of design, these tight shorts have the most bells and whistles out of any short I tried. Nice, deep side pockets that held my phone and keys so well I temporarily misplaced said phone because it was actually in my pocket. A tiny back zip pocket could hold a gel or a singular car key (maybe?) It’s incredibly tiny and clearly only meant for incredibly tiny things but it’s there and it’s got a zipper so if you have incredibly tiny things you want to run with they’ll be secure. The waistband is exposed elastic (which is never my first choice but was surprisingly very comfortable) with a generous drawcord that really is only there for aesthetic purposes because the fit is great and I never once worried these might fall down. These do have gripper on the inside hem of the legs so if that sort of thing gives you an extra sense of security you can sleep well tonight. I only felt it a little and even if it wasn’t there I don’t think I would have had any issues. The 5” inseam remained a 5” inseam for the duration of my run so all in all I was very happy. As an added bonus there’s also a reflective logo on the front and back of the leg for added visibility but honestly drivers in SF are so terrible I could be wearing a fully reflective suit and still probably almost get hit at least twice. But maybe you live in a slightly more pedestrian-friendly city or in the middle of nowhere and a reflective logo is all you need in which case you’ll be good.
The only downside to these is that there’s a center front seam which I gave the benefit of the doubt to but if you zoom in really closely to the photo above you will 100% see remnants of my camel toe. Running in undies with these wasn’t terrible and the back seam stayed firmly out of my bum crack so I felt both covered and comfortable. I was also really lazy after my run and ended up wearing these to a pilates class. I felt both comfortable and covered. 10/10 would recommend if ‘cool brooklyn runner’ is your vibe or you just want a pair of shorts that make you feel like one.
I found these on a whim as I don’t normally purchase clothing from run brands known for their footwear. I find that the majority of their development and design focus is usually spent on said footwear and any other product tends to feel like a bit of an afterthought. That said, the price was right and so I purchased ‘run raisin’ (cute) and waited to see what I’d get. When I took them out of the bag my initial reaction was that they were in fact meant for a child. They were tiny. Like Dougie could have worn them as pants tiny. I went back and read the reviews for the shorts only to discover these do in fact run about a full size too small. Minus one point right out of the gate because size inconsistency is one of my biggest pet peeves. So I returned and ordered the smalls, which in reality fit like I had expected the xs to fit and the cost of paying for shipping twice negated any cost savings for purchasing on sale. Annoying? Yes. Deal breaker? Maybe but probably not.
These don’t suck. Are they the best shorts I tried? No. But they didn’t give me camel toe and I did run sans undies. The back seam did the butt definition thing I don’t love but I also didn’t feel totally naked because the fabric is pretty dense. The one weird thing I do distinctly remember is that the center front seam was off center, probably a result of bad sewing which for the price point ($60 reg price) was a bit annoying. If I really wanted, Brooks has a pretty great return policy so I probably could send them back or at the very least exchange them for a new pair that was hopefully sewn a bit better. At the end of the day while not a love, they also aren’t a hate and I’ll wear them again if the other two pairs above happen to be dirty. While I wouldn’t purchase another pair, I’d suggest giving them a try. If they work for you the added bonus is that they have an entire ‘method’ system of bottoms if you like the fit. I give these an 8/10. Nice side pockets (although now I honestly wonder why everyone doesn’t just make them go all the way up to the waistband?) and they don’t have gripper on the hem (a bonus for me as I am team no gripper) which I found they didn’t need anyway because they didn’t ride up at all.
Ok so when I say ‘I don’t normally purchase clothing from run brands known for their footwear’ I’m totally lying because these were actually my very first tight short purchase back in January. I’d been wanting to find a pair of tight shorts for my winter running needs and when I tried these on my initial reaction was ‘ooooh these are niiiiiice’ and for the most part I still do really like running in them.
Needless to say I was very excited to give them a try. I put them on (sans undies…I was so naive!) and proceeded to walk around the house, do some stretches and notice that something didn’t quite feel…right. Looking in the mirror I discovered the most massive camel toe I had ever seen. Like it was the entire hoof. At the time I was incredibly annoyed but now that I’ve tried (what feels like) a million other options camel toe really isn’t the end all be all I thought it was at the time. Also after hot washing and hot drying repeatedly (FYI the worst way to care for your run product) the fabric has relaxed and these no longer get all up in my business like they used to. They really are fantastic, well designed shorts and I know several of you run in these as well. These offer the most pocketing options out of all the shorts that I tried and would probably be my go to if I were running significantly longer distances where I needed to carry several gels, keys, phone etc. The fabric is a little on the thick side for my liking so these will most likely remain relegated to my winter wardrobe. Added bonus the interior hem has no gripper (again, team no grip) and it 100% isn’t needed as the 5” inseam remained a 5” inseam. 7/10 for fit and fabric, 10/10 for pockets and functionality.
Tracksmith Session Shorts + Tracksmith Lane 5 Shorts
I also purchased these as part of Tracksmith’s Silver Medal Sale and unfortunately the tight short version of the Session Short looks to be no longer a part of their regular assortment. So I figured I’d review them together because why spend a ton of time talking about a short you can’t purchase?
First off, what I really appreciate about both of these shorts is that the design is much more considered and interesting than the other tight shorts I tried. Most tight shorts seem to have a formula to them : two side pockets and maybe a waistband pocket. These however featured secure zip pockets integrated into the seams so the overall feel was very sleek and very minimal which I very much appreciated. Both have back zip pockets that may or may not officially fit an iphone (it fit mine!) and a few additional zip pockets for things like keys or gel. The Lane Five Short is 100% built for speed and distance…if you want a very minimal tight short that will also make you feel elite this short is your gal.
Straight out of the bag I loved both of these shorts. I loved the length (the Session Short features a 5” inseam and the Lane Five Short features a 4.5” inseam) and I loved the fabric. They both felt minimal and lightweight and barely there. While neither passed the test for camel toe (the Session Short has a center front seam while the Lane Five does not) after wearing both out for a run I was really, really glad to be wearing undies as I definitely felt naked and not in a good way.
Combined with the fact that both shorts rode up (the Lane Five Short has interior grip/the Session Short does not) and the incredibly lightweight (but not see through) fabric I felt really exposed. I honestly think overall they were fine, I’m just a lot more prudish than I realized when it comes to wanting to run half naked. I also run in a city, around some questionable people and if I were running on a country road in the summer or a track I probably would have liked these a lot more. Tracksmith only uses professional runners in their photoshoots (they photo them doing real running workouts like speed drills and long runs) and they all look amazing in the products. Maybe they’re used to running in - or prefer to run in - less clothing that I do? Although that is starting to change but we can get into the sexism that may or may not be female athletic uniforms another time. 9/10 for design, 4/10 for comfort (as in : how comfortable I feel running naked).
Patagonia Endless Run Shorts
I tried these at the suggestion of a friend as they were on sale and she thought they might be an interesting contender. She ended up returning them (she’s team grip) and I kept mine thinking I might wear them again. I will never wear them again. The drawcord is basically non-functional as it’s too short to really tie (also not needed IMO) and with a 4” inseam these crept up into booty short territory. I tried pulling them down a couple times but nothing really worked and there is nothing I find more distracting while running (other than having to listen to someone else’s music) than messing with my clothing. 2/10 on these because while they have pockets the design is meh and while they didn’t give me camel toe they rode up so bad I felt naked the entire time I was running. Also the back seam definitely tried to give me a colonoscopy and didn’t even buy me dinner first.
There you have it - my round up of tight shorts that (for the most part) don’t suck. Are you Team Tight Shorts and if so, which are your favorites? LMK in the comments below and happy running y’all.
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