Stuff I Like - May Edition

gifts for mother's day or every day

Mother’s Day is fast approaching, as the emails I’ve been receiving for nearly a month now constantly remind me. Brands sending me curated lists of items that I, among others who identify as moms, might like on this holiday that is in celebration of us. Things to buy for myself, things to buy for others because it’s Mother’s Day so let’s celebrate MOMS.

I put a lot of emphasis on the first Mother’s Day I experienced after Dougie was born, having just barely clawed my way out of the fourth trimester black hole. I desperately needed a day of gratitude and recognition for everything my body and mind had been through over the past year and for me that meant some sort of tangible gift, a symbolic medal of honor I could hang on to and look at each day in remembrance of who I had become, the reformatting of my identities that had occurred seemingly overnight.  

That first Mother’s Day was nice. We went for a family walk like we always do only this time Dougie was old enough to face out in his carrier and Matt got me the tangible gift I had requested. My second Mother’s Day was equally as nice. We attempted a family hike but got fogged out and instead went for a longer version of our usual neighborhood walk. This time since Dougie could walk I only carried him part of the way vs. all of the way.

While I might be 2/2 for nice Mother’s Days, I still have conflicting feelings around the holiday. Not because I don’t like to be reminded of my own mother, as the ‘opt out of Mother’s Day option’ on all the Mother’s Day emails might suggest (I actually adore mine - love you Mom) but because it’s so overtly stereotyped and so overtly gendered.  Mother’s Day is marketed as a holiday featuring breakfasts in bed or brunches with the family, buying her jewelry with birthstones or bobbles that remind her of her children. Maybe a trip to the spa and some time away for herself (maybe) but most likely not. It’s a holiday that revolves around her role as matriarch, which makes Mother’s Day a family affair.  Whereas Father’s Day is usually the opposite. It’s marketed as Dad’s day off - mornings spent golfing (do you know how long it takes to golf?!) or if it is a family affair, it’s a barbecue. Dad manning the grill, enjoying a beer while guess who watches the children. 

I finished watching the Barbie movie last week which I had to break up into a miniseries because I don’t actually have the time to watch a movie in its entirety anymore (which is also why I’m a year late to the Barbie party).  Overall I thought it was brilliant and it left me feeling sad, angry and not overly optimistic. Sad because everything about it was so true, that by making fun of the patriarchy it also showed how prevalent it is and oh how the world could benefit from having more women, more feminine energy in leadership roles. Angry because it truly deserved more and the fact that Oppenheimer won an Oscar whereas Barbie wasn’t even nominated is indicative of everything the movie stands for.

I’ve seen America Ferrera’s monologue in print several times already, but seeing her character performing it, her energy of frustration and exasperation and just how true it all felt made me feel seen. Yes there’s an element of female empowerment threaded throughout the movie, but it occurs in a fictionalized Barbie world and unfortunately we live in the real world, where the patriarchy still very much holds the power. Maybe at some point we will reach equality but I struggle to find the optimism and the hope that it will occur in my lifetime as it feels like we are falling backward rather than progressing forward.

If we as a society really want to celebrate and honor mothers, what I’d like is to not feel like a second class citizen simply because I am in fact a women who is also a mother who also happens to be in my middle years.  I’d like a pay increase, maybe a promotion after having children, similar to the ‘Fatherhood Bonus’ men tend to experience. I’d like to be looked at as a value, rather than a liability, that having children is evidence that I too am a responsible, upstanding citizen of the world. 

In a perfect world we wouldn’t even need a Mother’s Day. Moms would simply be recognized, every day for the hard work they do daily. Women would have equal pay, mothers would get minimum 6 months off after giving birth and we’d have things like affordable childcare and accessible healthcare. We’d spend far more research dollars on female specific health issues and the maternal death rate would be going down, not up.  

As history shows, there’s never been an easy time to be a woman but right now it feels particularly challenging. Since overturning Roe V. Wade it feels like one court decision after another, law after law is being passed keen on controlling women by severely limiting or taking away any autonomy we have over our own bodies. The fate of our health and unfortunately our rights being determined by grey haired men seeking to control whatever and whomever they can. I’m all for protesting the war in Gaza but man I wish we could organize and protest banning abortion with the same vigor.  Each state that passes new limitations or bans is a quiet war on women within our own borders. 

But we’re here to talk about Mother’s Day.  A day to celebrate the matriarchy, set within the context of a women’s ability and decision to have children. 

If society is going to give me a day of honor I’m going to take it and use it as an excuse to treat and honor myself however I can in whatever way that looks like.  My SIL list this month features a list of all the things I’d like to receive for Mother’s Day.  Maybe you or the mom in your life would like them too or maybe not. The best way to find out is to ask. Ask her to go through all the tabs she has open on her phone, to give you a wish list of all the things she would like to have bought for herself had she not instead spent a small fortune at Zara on clothes for her son. This list might feel random and if it does it’s because I went through my own open tabs, selecting items that I’ve put off purchasing because I’ve categorized them as nonessential nice to haves. Items with a price tag a little too high to purchase on a random Tuesday or a little too impractical to calculate a cost per wear for justification. This list is the same list I gave my husband only I didn’t wait for him to ask.

1. The Birthstone Ring I Asked For On My First Mother’s Day

   Ten years ago I got really into the power of crystals, collecting various rocks and gems based on their specific properties. I still have them sprinkled around the house but more for decoration these days as I no longer sage them or leave them in the window when the moon is full. That said, a week or two before Dougie was born I waddled my way up to a shop in our neighborhood (that has since closed unfortunately) looking for some lovely bath salts I could use as a postpartum treat. The store also offered a selection of crystals and I purchased a bracelet made of citrine (Dougie’s birthstone) that I could carry with me and hold in my hand during his delivery. The bracelet was too big for my wrist and after he was born I began looking for a nicer piece of jewelry to take its place. Something I could wear always to remind me of Dougie and that particular moment when I fully became his mom.

   

   i love all of leo black’s jewelry as i find it modern but also just a little witchy. i chose a simpler ring but someday i’d love to get this. more birthstone options here as well.

2. A Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Charm Necklace

   My mom has the most amazing charm bracelet from when she was a teenager, so packed to the brim with the charms she collected it must weigh at least five pounds. She never wore it when I was a kid, but kept it stored away with various keepsakes in her cedar chest. Last year when Clare V. (who’s bags I already love) launched her own jewelry line of charms and necklaces I couldn’t resist buying it with the intent of starting my own collection, inspired by my mom’s. I haven’t added to it since last year’s Mother’s Day when Dougie (Matt) bought me a bunch of charms and it might be time to add a few more.

   

   i bought this chain and this charm (because i love anything w a sardine on it despite not actually liking the taste of sardines?). i got this one last year but might need to add this for our little croissant lover. these two are just cute so why not? if a necklace isn’t your vibe i also love the idea of a charm pearl bracelet as well.

3. Sherpa Lined Sandals

   I actually just bought these yesterday, after much deliberation between the white and yellow (thank you to all who helped me make up my mind). I ended up going with the white, because I actually don’t own any white Birkenstocks and I like that they’re white suede, so they aren’t a true white but a little off meaning they’ll look good with literally anything. I also loved the yellow but it would have required just a little too much thought for me to outfit. While purchasing sherpa sandals in May might not seem like a seasonally appropriate decision, San Francisco gets downright frigid in the summer due to the fog and I plan on wearing these nearly everyday once I’m working full time at Wylder IRL. Which we just got the keys for yesterday so looks like it’s happening! for real! Let’s instead call this a ‘congrats me’ gift as I felt like getting the keys and the start of my business coming to fruition warrant a ‘treat me’ moment.

   

   i really should have worn something cuter or at the very least looked in a mirror but here we are and there are the keys! and here are the sandals. also worth noting the sherpa only lines the footbed which makes these look a lot more modern and way less ‘are you wearing your slippers?’ when wearing in the outside world.

4. Comfy Pants

   I became obsessed with these while doing some market research because not only do they look incredibly comfortable but the shade of blue is absolute perfection. The price tag happened to be a little steep for a random impulse purchase on the Tuesday I came across them but I have no hesitation offering them up as a Mother’s Day gift purchase. Since they are nearly sold out (sad face) might I also suggest these as an option B?

   

   they really aren’t that expensive, i just feel guilty spending money when i’m not exactly making it. and knowing how much i’d wear them the cost per wear would be basically free.

5. A Not Practical For SF Sweater

   I’ve unintentionally set out on a mission to upgrade my sweaters assortment this year, maybe because having a toddler makes wearing things that aren’t machine washable a little easier (there are still spills but no spit ups). I also have a soft spot for fleece, particularly of the vintage variety whereas I’m a bit pickier or perhaps just indecisive when it comes to sweaters. Basics can feel too commodity, novelty not worth the investment if it’ll be out of style a year later. I’ve been loving crochet for a while but always disregarded it due to our aforementioned frigid SF summers, a time when I’m far more likely to be wearing wool than an open cotton knit. That said I’d break my rules of practicality for this crochet polo. The perfect summer sweater that will still look seasonally appropriate in October, when we finally thaw out and see the sun again. I love our late summers but it’s so hard to wear a cotton sundress* while staring Halloween in the face.

   

   *i am also very much not a cotton sundress person

6. A Ring I Should Have Just Bought Myself

   I saw this ring while on my trip to LA and I should have just allowed myself a moment of indulgence to try it on. As per point #1 I love crystals and gems and I also love statement rings so this checks all the boxes. All of her jewelry is actually lovely but it’s her rings I find myself more drawn to. I’ve discovered I’m far more likely to put on an unusual ring than change out my earrings or reach for a necklace that is outside of what I normally wear on the day to day.

   

   i loved the earthy color palette with just the hint of gold but how lovely is the mix of moonstone and sunstone at left?

7. Flowers

   You can never, ever go wrong with flowers. Unless there are cats in the house in which case DO NOT GET LILIES. If you do happen to buy the mom in your life flowers this year, do her a favor and get them in a vase so she doesn’t have to rearrange the arrangement herself after procuring a vase from some far to reach corner of the house.

   

   a bouquet from one of our favorite florists in sf.

For all the other things : the breakfasts, the brunches, the family focused events. Ignore them. Or don’t. For me, the amount of planning and logistical gymnastics required isn’t worth the effort. Consider this permission to phone it in unless you want to do something special and out of the ordinary in which case you do you. And if you choose the special route feel free to also do it alone, sans kids because today this day is about you. 

Whatever you decide and whatever you do, if you’re fortunate enough to still have a mom in your life, call her and tell her you love her.

*k