Thoughts While Running #011

running is a privilege.

I’ve had a recent revelation about my running…a bit of an ‘aha’ moment if you will. And that is this : Running is a privilege.

While running requires very little equipment, there is certainly some monetary privilege as a solidly decent pair of shoes will easy set one back $100-$150 dollars. Then there’s the apparel that’s needed which at minimum is a good pair of shorts or tights that won’t chafe and if you’ve got boobs a good bra that won’t leave you bouncing in ways you never wanted to bounce. However, what I’m speaking to is the privilege it is to be able to carve out time in my day (whenever and whatever that looks like) to get outside and log a few miles. Understanding this is a privilege has shifted my perspective around the sport from something I have to do to something I get to do. A subtle shift of swapping one verb for another that gives running an entirely different and more meaningful meaning in my life.

views like this also remind me how insanely privileged i am that this is just like a random tuesday run for me.

It’s shifted my perspective away from the motivation of a time or distance goal (although I am looking forward to the training I’ll get to do for the Copenhagen 1/2 in September as it’s a mindset I haven’t been in for a very long time). Recognizing how precious this privilege is and how much joy it brings me, I’ve started focusing on how I can run for the long haul. How do I care for my body and create a routine that energizes and nourishes it? Is it the distance? Is it the route? Less road and more trail? Less hills? More hills? Do I need to add some heavier strength training sessions into my ‘soft sport’ pilates routine to ensure I’m strengthening all the necessary muscles to remain injury free? (*knocks on wood*)

There seems to be something in the air or perhaps I’m subconsciously only reading content that aligns with where I’m at, but I’ve read a couple perspectives lately that seem to reaffirm I’m not alone in this belief. I recently read a post from Mother Runners, a substack written by certified run coach Whitney Heins, where she described an interaction with her physical therapist. I tried to find the post but for the life of me can’t, so here’s a link to her main substack page as she’s a great follow regardless. Anyway, she’s been easing back into running after a months long injury and at a visit to her PT, he tells her to stop creating more goals for herself and to just give herself permission to enjoy the run.

This idea of ‘enjoy the run’ has been in the back of my brain lately. I touched on it a bit last month when I was lamenting how miserable it was to not run while both my son and I were sick with daycare virus #947. It’s been in the back of my brain as I create the vision for what Wylder Run Goods will be. It’s been in the back of my brain when I go out for a 5 mile run that becomes a 7 mile run because my route ended up being a choose your own adventure of stairs, hills and random city streets simply just because it looked like fun.

It was in the back of my brain this morning when I read this post by Raziq Rauf who writes the Running Sucks substack, another excellent follow. He interviewed Allie Bailey, an ultramarathoner, coach and (recovering) alcoholic in the UK about her soon to be released memoir ‘There Is No Wall.’ She’s had an interesting relationship with running and alcohol and she’s finally sober but still running and coaching others. She also encourages a mindset that is based more on internal goals such as running for enjoyment, happiness and mental health benefits vs. external ones like ‘beating dave from accounts.’ She says : “The amount of clients I have who can't hit a certain time and they're like, ‘It's making me so depressed and really anxious.’ I tell them they’re running for leisure time, and should be enjoying it. It takes a really long time to unpick that, but it's all based in the idea of success. When you're running along worrying that you're not fast enough or that Dave from accounts is quicker than you, that’s not going to help your anxiety, is it.”

Perhaps it’s age that’s shifted things for me and while I by no means think 40 is old, the reality is I need to treat my body differently than I did when I was 30 and by ‘treat my body differently’ I mean I actually need to stretch and like, give my body time to recover. More likely than age however is the fact that I’m a mother and time is just all that much more sacred. Taking an hour out of my day to treat myself to a run or a pilates class literally feels as such. It is an absolute treat and because this time is such a rarity I am the most present I’ve ever been. I’m more focused and I maximize the time because it isn’t always a given that I’ll be able to carve out the same amount of time tomorrow, or next week. I don’t get ‘do overs’ because one work out sucked or I half assed it because I was tired. But I also don’t put the same weight on each workout because at the end of the day I’m not training for anything or trying to prove anything to anyone. The goal isn’t to hit a certain time or to run 400 repeats (although sometimes it is and that’s because I just felt like it in the moment and thought it could be fun) but rather the ultimate goal is to take time to be by myself, to nourish myself in whatever way that might be. Some days it’s running all the hills and all the stairs just because it felt like an adventure and other days it’s finding the flattest, easiest route with minimal elevation. The important part is that there is absolutely no judgement either way - no forcing myself into one workout or the other just because I think I need to or should be doing something (remember that more/less list? ‘shoulding all over myself’ was on the less side).

This isn’t easy. It’s a practice. I’d be lying if I didn’t say there were days I forced myself to run up a hill or forced myself to run an extra mile. Today I did both because the first three miles of my run were a stop/start mix of hitting literally every traffic light wrong and also encountering a muni at mile 2.5 that I decided to film for 2 minutes so I could show it to Dougie later tonight. (Bonus mom points as a second (!) muni came by after the first one entered the tunnel. He’s going to be absolutely delighted and will no doubt ask ‘again? again?’ while we watch the video over and over and over….🫠🫠🫠) But what’s important is I am aware of the choices I am making and why I am making them. It wasn’t because I felt I was lacking anything but rather I just sort of wanted to make up for the joyride that was the first half of my run. And the second half wasn’t awful either, just a bit more of a choose your own adventure that involved some hills and a very steep staircase I’d never seen before and then some nonsensical running at the end to add on an extra half mile of mileage so I could end on a nice round number.

the muni video guaranteed to spark joy for your own amusement :

In the spirit of it being January and as you might remember, I don’t love resolutions however it’s the perfect opportunity to reassess and reevaluate my running. A little more/less list in the running world I suppose. On the more side : compassion, space, self care, rest. On the less side : negative self talk. I’ve recently discovered I’m a real big asshole…to myself. More on that later. And I’d really like to lean into the rest bit. I’m pretty terrible at it as I hate sitting still and rest = doing nothing which also makes me feel like I haven’t done anything for myself. Like I need the run or the workout to be a physical symbol that I took time for myself today. So maybe instead this year it’ll be a bath, or if I’m feeling bougie a massage. Or maybe just reading a book in bed while Dougie naps. Or maybe it’ll be a run with a new run club where I’m less concerned with pace and distance and more focused on connection and community.

Whatever motivates you to run or to take time for yourself to do your version of ‘running’ (be it painting, gardening, enjoying a really nice cup of coffee in solitude) I hope it also feels like an absolute privilege to you too. Because what a beautiful thing it is to realize that everything we get to do in this life is a privilege.

*k