Thoughts While Running #012
feeling like a badass
It’s been a busy week of wrapping up a freelance project while working on branding and business decks for the future brick and mortar ‘running wylder.’ I’ve also been dealing with some hip pain along my SI joint which is feeling a little less angry after a trip to the chiropractor but still present enough for me to take a couple days off of running in favor of some gentler movements instead. Perhaps this specific hip pain correlating with the momentum of my creative life moving forward is my body energetically telling me something? A quick consultation with Dr. Google, holistic MD, proves worthy of a share.
According to bodywindow.com :
I believe that when I am in a space where something is requiring my creative energy and I ignore it, that this is when my own sacroiliac joints start to ache. It is as if I know that I need to "give birth" to something, but I am not quite emotionally, spiritually or even physically ready yet to bring this new something into my life.
My SI joint ache can be a result of a new idea developing in me, approaching a new self-discovery, a new phase in my business or a new path in my life’s journey that I must take. Even as I write this, I feel my lower back release. I know this is my truth. If you have sacroiliac problems this may be your truth as well.
Well, there you go. 🎯
So between wrapping up one creative project, birthing (apparently) another, and dealing with some annoying 4 out of 10 SI joint pain, I would say I haven’t exactly felt like a badass these past few days. The rose colored glasses of my ‘life is a privilege!’ post last week have faded and I am feeling a bit like a three day old loaf of bread…a little old and a little stale. Oh and did I mention I’ll be 42 in less than a month? There’s that too.
I’m sure there’s a bell curve somewhere that describes the creative process… when the self doubt, the inferiority complexes and the imposter syndromes all join hands in fueling an existential ‘WTF am I doing with this project / my life and what if I fail and not fail like a little but fail like so epically bad they don’t want to rehire me / pay me / lease me their space for a small running store with a big spirit but no sales / earnings history’ and oh my god it’s all nosediving towards a swift and fiery crash. Then it sort of flat lines a bit, like floating on your back after you jump into a pool and it’s a bit like ‘ok maybe I won’t drown’ and eventually things start to look up. The floating relaxes the mind and the body, a few ideas begin to take root, some momentum builds and eventually the creative project becomes an obsession, this all-consuming thing before it peaks and is thrown out into the world. This cycle of creative anxiety repeats itself once the project becomes subject to scrutiny and oh god feedback but for my mental health at the moment I’m only focusing on making it toward the birth day and operating under the assumption everyone will love it (them) as much as I do. I used to live this extremely emotion process 4x a year when I worked in corporate design with a much more unforgiving audience and now I apparently live it less, but feel it more because the audience is me? That and because now I care. A lot.
As for my running, like all good runners who listen to their bodies I’ve carried on, business as usual, as my SI joint conveniently only aches after a run. (Continue following along for more tips on how not to train.) While feeling a little old and a little stale ≠ feeling like a badass in life, and despite a hip reminding me I’m no spring chicken, I was blessed with a moment of badassery earlier this week. Our car was in the shop (it’d also been feeling a little old and a little stale) as a gasket or valve or some other small part that corrodes over time needed replacing and so on a carless Tuesday morning, I ran my son to daycare.
He LOVED it, and I think this might be his preferred method of travel now. It wasn’t far, but also wasn’t close…about 4.5 miles which I then had to repeat after dropping him off (thankfully) sans stroller. Ironically I didn’t run on Monday because of the SI joint pain but made up for any missed mileage after my Tuesday morning adventure. While I love running on my own, I adore running with my son. Sometimes we sing, sometimes we say hi to munis, and sometimes (like Tuesday morning) we get to stop and watch the ‘big trains’ go by. And in a week where I’ve been feeling a little stale and a little old, Tuesday morning I got to be the badass mom who ran her son to daycare.
A bit of a shorter reflection this week as I pivot back to my business deck for Wylder IRL, but whatever adventures await you (whether that be running related or not), I hope they offer you some moments of badassedness as well. And if you’d like a NSFW playlist to listen to, may I offer up my ‘bad b*tch’ running mix for your enjoyment.
*k