Thoughts While Running #014
running mulligans.
Tuesday I took my son out for an unexpected run in the morning. He should have been at daycare, and I should have been enjoying a much longer, uninterrupted toddler free run at my leisure however he’d spiked a random fever out of nowhere two days prior. It’d lingered for a day and he woke up seemingly fine in the morning, the only (niggling) concern being a few random pimples he’d accrued around his mouth and chin. No fever, a couple of chin pimples, as long as he’s warm I figured he’d be ok so I shot off a quick pic to the doctor with an ‘oh hey, Dougie had a fever and it’s gone but he has these weird pimples should we be concerned?’ and off we went.
In hindsight, the run went pretty much ok as in, it could have been way worse. Dougie didn’t throw up mid-run, or have some rare explosive pimple-induced diarrhea (god help us if that’s a thing). And when I take him running these days, despite there being several routes that would be much more stroller friendly in the city, I choose the friendly-ish route where we can run by trains, munis and plentiful amounts of construction equipment. Is it the smoothest route I could select? Absolutely not but I get to run for longer than 20 minutes because he’s entertained so I figure it’s a win/win for both of us assuming the public transportation system in San Francisco doesn’t one day suddenly go on strike.
So perhaps what felt like the universe conspiring against me was simply a culmination of my own doing. A drawbridge randomly up, a crowd forming a human wall outside Oracle Park and an accidental mid-run watch reset (not that I was really tracking anything) among other things. I probably should have thrown in the towel when the doctor called as we were leaving to inform me that oh he should probably be seen since he had had a fever and asked if I could bring him by in an hour and a half. It felt like I was running uphill despite the blissfully flat (another bonus point) route and at one point while waiting for an absurdly long light, when I realized I most likely was going to be late for the doctor, I wondered why I had even bothered attempting to run in the first place. Turns out the in-person appointment was accidentally (thankfully) booked as a telehealth visit so we made it with time (and a latte and a croissant) to spare so we could be told those pimples were most likely hand, foot and mouth disease but we wouldn’t know for sure until if and when more pimples appeared.
I text a friend later in the afternoon to ask if there was a running term for what I’d just experienced…technically not a DNF (Did Not Finish) because you still finish but it feels like the whole thing is a wash. An ‘at least we made it out the door’ when nothing else clicked, the entire run feeling like one annoying obstacle after another. Oblivious pedestrians…extra long commuter trains…random draw bridges being up. I don’t think we ran one singular mile without stopping that morning and if I could have DNF’d and just grabbed a coffee somewhere I probably would have except my highly demanding coach has at some point decided he will only tolerate his stroller if he’s being pushed while running and becomes increasingly unpleasant to be around if that pace shifts to a walk (or god help me wants out so he can push the stroller himself).
We concluded there isn’t, but there should be. The closest thing I can think of is a mulligan, except there’s no do-over, you just have to live with your shitty shot. It’s not like you get to go run another 5 miles because the first 5 weren’t awesome (even if you could, would you actually want to?). Instead you write it off, say half-assed positive things to yourself like ‘well, 5 miles are better than 0 miles…even if 4.5 of them sucked!’ and wait untill another run, or another race, for redemption. I’m sure there’s a larger metaphor for life in here somewhere, about how running teaches us to be resilient, to accept the good and the bad equally. Or how the universe likes to humble us when we’re getting a little too cocky for her liking. Earlier in the day on Sunday, before Dougie had spiked his out of nowhere 103 degree fever, I had gone for a lovely 8 mile run, resisting the urge to go longer because I (thought I) had a wide open week of running in front of me.
LOL because those random pimples did in fact turn out to be hand, foot and mouth and it’s been me and the mister home together all week. So in a sense, I did get that wide open week of running, it just happened to be doing it while pushing 50lbs of stroller and toddler. Until I also got his virus and then we subbed our run for a neighborhood walk sans stroller.
So what’s my takeaway from all this…embrace the good and the not so good? Don’t get too cocky? I wish I was that self aware. To be honest it’s to look at my phone less when walking. I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve had to come to a complete stop because someone was walking down the middle of a sidewalk (towards me, no less) and they weren’t paying attention, head down on their phone, which only added to my mulligan frustration Tuesday and I’m still annoyed about it. And next time when the weather’s nice and I’m really feeling my run, I’ll let myself go an extra mile or two because daycare viruses are a dime a dozen these days and we’re always just one pimple away from a week long quarantine.
Happy running friends, may your runs be plentiful and if there’s a mulligan or two in the mix, congrats on finishing despite how mentally painful those miles might have been.
*k