Thoughts While Running #021
the longest may of my life
I’m happy to report my solo parenting journey has come to an end, unhappy to report that it’s because I, too, have covid. I tested positive the morning after my husband tested negative so the parenting baton has been passed and now it’s my turn to spend 5 days in the solitary confinement of our bedroom. Our household is hanging on by a thread, as toddler’s thrive on normalcy and routine and this month has been anything but that. Remember how I said f*ck off to our schedule as a means of survival? Well it’s definitely coming back to bite us in the ass, as predicted.
I’ve been serving my sentence since Monday after a second pink line rudely interrupted my morning. My husband quickly assumed the role of ‘doer of all things’ and I can honestly say I’m not sure which is better or worse : doing all or doing none. Is it better to be in control of everything or in control of nothing? I like to pretend I’ve worked past my type A tendencies but I haven’t so I’ll let you guess which one I’d prefer. The joke is that January lasts forever, but honestly at this point I’d really appreciate if May would just GTFO. She’s overstayed her welcome and I’m done with her. I don’t even care that the sun rarely shines here in June, I will still welcome her with open arms.
A few things I’ve realized these past few weeks :
Hell is the toy section at Target.
A bit harsh as I do love me a Targét but their toy selection is heinous. Anyone who doesn’t agree with the idea that gender is a social construct should take a wander through their aisles. Cars that look like they’re on steroids hang out next to giant ‘Hulk fists’ and whatever other toys scream ACTION with an underlying thread of possible violence. Cross over into the girls section and it’s no better, just the complete opposite. Dolls full of makeup, long hair, food trucks instead of race cars and dear God so much pink it looks like a princess threw up everywhere.
If boys get to be loud and violent, girls get to be pretty and serve. The foundation for years of therapy at our fingertips and the continuation of patriarchal norms for the next generation.
I only shop Target for toys if I’m desperate, and last week I was desperate. In the end, we left with a $5 plastic dump truck full of sand toys (we don’t own a sandbox) and a plastic off-brand lego truck. Neither required batteries, both are so big we might have to store them in the garage.
Snoopy makes a fantastic co-parent
We have watched so many episodes of ‘The Snoopy Show’ and ‘Snoopy In Space’ I don’t think there are any left that we haven’t seen. We do breakfast with Snoopy, after-nap snacks with Snoopy and pre-dinner couch cuddles with Snoopy. Need to take a shower or hop on a work call? No worries, Snoopy’s got your back.
I’ve actually noticed Dougie repeating various phrases he’s picked up from Snoopy, and he talks about all the characters like they're BFF’s, so let’s call it educational and a learning opportunity and as long as our house is still divided between the haves (covid) and haves not (covid) we’ll continue to let Snoopy coparent for as long as needed.
It’s easier to be affectionate when no one is demanding my affection.
Feeling ‘touched out’ is a very real experience for a lot of moms, and one that I can relate to at the end of the day after I’ve given all I can give mentally and physically. Most days, especially on the weekend, I don’t want to talk or touch anyone after 7:30pm, when my son goes to bed. I’m tired and I just want time to myself with no one asking or expecting anything from me. The universe is an ironic one because I was googling ‘staycations near SF’ and pricing rooms at Cavallo Point the night before I tested positive, desperate for some quiet alone time.
Not exactly what I was expecting (in my daydream the thread count was higher, room service was involved and I was treating myself to a run in the headlands followed by a massage) but alone time was what I had asked for and alone time was what I got. Suddenly when I’m in a position where I can’t give a hug or a ‘backpack’ ride or carry a 30 lb child around the house on my feet, it’s literally the only thing in the world I want to do. My reserve tank is now full; I’ve had my alone time and all I want now is to be able to hug freely without fear of passing on the world’s shittiest virus™
When the opportunity to do nothing presents itself, lean into it.
I’ve been trying to maximize my forced alone time by working my way through all the not-fun things I’d been procrastinating. Things like writing POs and filling out new vendor forms that can all be done while horizontal, in bed next to a humidifier. Great, however, I’m exhausted because I’m sick. So rather than force my way through the exhaustion, I’m giving in by leaning in. Now’s not the time for to-do lists but for watch lists and reading lists; distractions from the FOMO of missing out on all the zoo time and aquarium time and coffee shop breakfasts my husband gets to spend with the mister during his solo parenting spree. All the things or none of the things…which grass is greener?
The Girls on The Bus - I actually finished prior to getting covid, however, had I waited it would have made for a very enjoyable binge.
Hacks - Season 3 might take a little time warming up but the finale comes out today and I’m sad it’s over. It’s genius and if they don’t renew it I will be forever convinced the world really does hate women. As Amy O’Dell puts it, we need more shows like Hacks, ‘for those of us who lack interest in zombie gore, succumb to ambient television out of desperation, and can’t turn away from And Just Like That, despite our abundant better judgment.’
Taylor Swift Era’s Tour - despite what my spotify year end tells me, I don’t consider myself a Swiftie but I do have a huge respect for her as a professional, performer and artist. Anyone not on the TayTay train needs to watch and be humbled. This is a woman who knows her brand, her audience, and genuinely feels awed by the fame she has created. With a running time of 3.5 hours it helped me waste away an entire afternoon and I’m not mad about it.
Loot - an underrated show IMO and if you only have time to pick two shows out of this line up, watch this and Hacks. Also can I just say how much I love Maya Rudolph and whoever does her wardrobe for the show nails it.
Bridgerton - while I adore Nicola Coughlan (if you haven’t seen ‘Derry Girls’ add that one to your list) I’m struggling with the Penelope / Colin love story simply because I find Colin so annoying. I know she’s loved him forever but I feel like Penelope deserves better?
The Parisian Agency - I started watching this when it came out in 2020, when travel was non-existent and I was desperate to see something other than the walls of our apartment. I had a work trip to Paris cancelled last minute due to the emerging pandemic and I was very, very much missing the inside of an airplane. There is literally no better way to escape reality than to look at insanely gorgeous homes in Paris while listening to people speak french. (also a pandemic gem - Call My Agent 10/10 recommend)
I made an ‘I’m sick and can’t leave the house’ plea to my husband Monday and he made a trip to our local bookstore so I could stock up. I just started Miranda July’s ‘All Fours’ and so far it’s living up to all the reviews. Also if you’d like a taste of Catherine Newman’s writing, she was introduced to me via a friend via her substack which is an excellent follow (and she recently included an excerpt of her newest book coming out next month).
I might feel like garbage, but I am who I am which means I’ve got watch lists, reading lists and…shopping lists. It means I’m watching the Eras Tour while also adding to cart, debating if catching covid after 20 days of solo parenting warrants more emotional purchases I don’t need. I’m gonna say yes but we’ve also spent $500 on covid tests this month so maybe I’ll just open the box I got with the ancient greek sandals I preordered last year two weeks ago instead.
If I were to shop right now (which I’m not, maybe?), it’d be for anything striped. They’re having a moment, particularly head to toe and especially when they don’t match. I saw the image on the far left on Tibi’s instagram a few weeks ago and have since become obsessed. So easy, so effortless, and maybe the subconscious reason I’ve been lounging in striped pajama pants all week.
Hopefully the next time you all hear from me it’ll be with some exciting news like a store update or a photo of a staircase being built and not reporting that we’re on day #557 of covid. Honestly I have no idea how we all survived 2020 but here we are and thank God we did. It goes without saying I’m most definitely not running at the moment and I am grateful for squeezing in the extra mileage when I could. The great thing about running is that it’s always there waiting for us when we return.
*k
Get well soon. What a year!!