Thoughts While Running #022
all thoughts + no substance
It’s been a bit of a challenging few days (week?) of which there isn’t one main stressor, or maybe there is (the store) but it isn’t the singular culprit in the sense that there are several smaller less annoying things that are still stressful but in the way a hangnail is bothersome : the more you pick the worse it gets but it never really gets bad enough for a bandaid or a manicure. Or perhaps you take care of your nails better than I do and book a 9-1-1 appointment with your manicurist at the first sight of a dried out nail bed. So in the hierarchy of stressful things : the store (or more specifically launching a business as the CEO/CFO/COO/CPO + whatever other C’s that need to happen to get shit done), followed by all the other day to day encounters that prove to be physically or mentally tiresome (traffic, toddlers, etc).
All this to say I haven’t been in the greatest of moods, a mild current of irritation constantly under the surface. More than once in the past few months I’ve considered taking up boxing again, merely for the excuse to punch the bejeezus out of something in the name of exercise. The weather helped (it was sunny and warm and for the first time in potentially forever we weren’t fogged out on the 4th) until it didn’t (the fog came back so thick we didn’t see the sun Tuesday). The weather has always affected me quite significantly - my memories of the one winter I survived living in NYC are my equivalent of walking uphill in the snow to school as a child. Stories I will pass along to Dougie should he ever lament about a cold San Franciscan winter. Try as I might to get work done (the to-do list is a novel) I simply could not get my brain to turn on, both brain and body too tired without a sliver of sun to help sufficiently wake them up.
I’ve also been grumpy about the start/stop lack of momentum I’ve been feeling with the store these past few days. I had a design review two weeks ago where nothing seemed to click, however lovely the ideas were that were being presented. The color palette was wrong, the overall effect too serious and I had to go back to the drawing board, or rather Pinterest board, to ground myself on the original vibe of the store I wanted to create. It was a good reminder + a great opportunity to reground myself in my vision (it’s so easy to stray when more cooks get cooking) and last Friday I saw the redesign based on a new concept board I had sent over. I probably would have been more excited for the meeting had I not found out the night before casually over a dinner of pesto pasta and salad (our son will only eat things that are green at the moment, and by ‘things that are green’ I mean pesto pasta or grapes) that our construction budget was double what I was hoping for.
Pro tip : don’t go into a design meeting with dollar signs in your eyes, it won’t be enjoyable for anyone on the zoom.
The revised concept looked great, but the budget was my hangnail and I am a picker. I picked and picked and picked until we had an impromptu budget conversation where I found out the couch we were planning as the focal point of the store (Thee statement piece) was clocking in at $23,000. Yes, you read that right. And if you aren’t surprised, congratulations, you are far more jaded or experienced in the realm of custom furniture than I am.
In no universe can I justify spending that much money on a piece of furniture, no matter how custom/cool/unique it might be. While I love great design and beautiful things, my budget is more Ikea and less $23,000 couch. We aren’t back to square one, although if I’m honest it felt that way coming off the meeting. We don’t have a backup or plan B, had I known the price tag up front we probably would have. I wouldn’t have cancelled it outright, but I definitely would have made sure everything else was significantly more affordable. We also found out Monday that we need to go to the planning department and make sure that whoever it may be is ok with us utilizing a space that was once a bank for a retail store. I assumed (incorrectly) that a bank is also a form of retail (the selling of a service/money rather than a product) but in the eyes of the San Francisco Planning Department, it is not. Let’s hope they agree a running store is far more of a value add than a bank and that the department is made up of runners.
I’ve spent the past few days spinning, which is not something I’d recommend should you find yourself in the middle of a project that isn’t going your way. Mindlessly looking for more cost effective alternatives to the $23,000 couch (there are few and none as impactful) while also sending emails to any brand who was planning on shipping product to me in a month, informing them that there will be no place to store it, unless Matt would like to convert our garage into a Running Wylder pop up. I’ve also been reminding myself that while it might feel like a false start (a very appropriate running analogy) it is actually just a pause and a restart. There was no jumping of the gun, we’re just in between races.
So in the spirit of pausing, yesterday I granted myself a day off. Something that isn’t always easy to do when you’re the only employee. I didn’t even run (although I was jealous of all the runners I passed on my walk through Golden Gate Park and a couple times wondered if I should have squeezed one in). Instead I treated myself to something unrelated to anything I’ve been working on, something that I’ve been wanting to do for months but hadn’t created the time for : I went to a museum. Specifically the de Young, to check out two exhibits, one of which closes in a week. A much needed disruptor to my routine of eat, sleep, to-dos (store or house related).
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a morning person. I naturally wake up early, breakfast is my favorite meal of the day, and if I’m going to run I’ve always preferred to do it early and it is probably my fault that our son wakes up at 5am screaming ‘I want my mama’ because he wants me to come rescue him from his crib. Nothing makes my early bird heart sing more than going to a museum right when it opens. Just me and a bunch of grey hairs, quietly strolling the exhibits (although I am also fairly grey haired these days and sort of semi-retired so maybe I’ve found my people?) I’m now a member, so perhaps I’ll incorporate a morning museum treat into my monthly routine.
When I got home from the museum I actually made lunch beyond something that could be eaten on toast. I’d been meaning to recreate a salad I ate last week and had purchased all the necessary ingredients Sunday, but didn’t have the time or space to actually put it all together. I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, mostly because of all the prep work/clean up involved, but was getting a bit tired of eating only things that could go on bread (cheese, avocado, eggs) as well as the lack of vegetables that comes with only eating things that can go on bread. A salad is nice because it doesn’t require the cleaning of any pots or pans I might’ve just cleaned so in the grand scheme of things it was fairly low effort.
Whether it be the fact that the sun finally graced us with her presence, granting myself a day off, or simply a break in the overall routine of life (anyone else feel like all you do is refill the soap dispenser, unload the dishwasher, clean the kitty litter and pick up after toddlers all day?) the general mood is a little less irritated than it was. Even though there’s still a ton of things to figure out, the to-do list is growing instead of shrinking and I have more questions than answers, the day off allowed a bit of a reset so I’m spinning less which overall feels good.
Unrelated :
I semi-joked to a friend via text that I was a bad runner because I didn’t watch any of the Olympic trials. Truth is I’m terrible at watching TV, and even more terrible at watching sports on TV. I’d rather be reading, or running, or outside and while I kept an ear to the ground via Instagram (America’s Favorite News Source™) I’m also trying to cut back on my phone usage as I’ve noticed it actually creates quite a bit of anxiety for me when I’m on it for too long, particularly between the hours of 5-9pm which is when I’m most likely to do things like scroll Instagram looking for Olympic trial updates. I actually considered doing an entire post around what the runners were wearing, as that feels much more interesting and on brand for me, however I stumbled across this substack and honestly just read it + subscribe. It’s my new favorite thing. Her point of view is candid, refreshing and not limited to just what people are wearing but linked to larger cultural conversations and personal experiences.
FWIW : I liked the New Balance kits the best and I know Nike is the Mafia king of Track + Field but how much better could the uniforms look if they didn’t sponsor them for once?
Honorable mention goes to Adidas, but specifically Stella McCartney because her kit for Anna Hall was *chef’s kiss*. I love me a fashion + function moment and this is a vibe I’d want in my store.
*k