Thoughts While Running #020

greetings from the desert

May 17, 2024

We’ve been in survival mode these past two weeks, as my husband was traveling for work and when he returned, brought back covid as a souvenir. He’s been quarantined to our bedroom since he walked through the door and so far the only virus the mister and I have caught is whatever daycare du jour seems to be going around at the moment.

*knocks on wood*

So that means I’m on day #537 of solo parenting, and because we live in a city where square footage is a privilege, I’ve been sleeping on the pull out in Dougie’s room. Cute until he wakes up at 5am (if i’m lucky) demanding ‘it’s time to make coffee’.

this is my alarm clock at 4:45am. he stands next to my bed declaring he wants to make coffee until i eventually cave.

When I’m in survival mode, it’s all about the path of least resistance. Routine? Don’t know her. Snoopy for breakfast? Sure. Croissants again? Why not. Will this all come back to bite me in the ass next week once we’ve (hopefully) returned back to normal? Absolutely. When it’s every man for themselves, I am not a pleasant person to be around. Any obstacle - be it human, feline, or a tiny piece of child sized wooden construction equipment - is the enemy. I’m sorry, did you just park in a location that is extremely inconvenient for me? Excuse me while I silently rage at you from my car.

I recently dug out this article from last year to send to a friend. In it the author discusses the stage of parenting she refers to as ‘camel mode.’ I decided it was worth a reread as it’d been a while and if you’d asked me 5 days ago if I still camelling, I would have told you no. Now I’ve realized I’m not just the camel, I’m the mother f*king Sahara.

I call it “camel mode” because when you’re caring for young children and giving yourself over to their needs, you are crossing a metaphysical desert of the self, without water, like a camel. “Water” is your sense of personal sovereignty — it lives inside you somewhere (in your … humps), but after you become a parent, it recedes from view and soon from mind.

I ended last week on the false high of ‘I got this’ parenting confidence that can happen after one successfully makes it through a stretch of time solo parenting while the other is out of town on a work trip. Luckily that false optimism carried me past that initial positive covid test and into the weekend. Saturday morning, naive and still somewhat well rested, I took the mister for a run, coffee, and grocery shopping, all before noon. Not a humble brag, merely a set up to show you just how high the tower was from which I fell.

Sunday broke me. After a week of unusually warm and sunny weather, the fog had come back in with an absolute vengeance, which I discovered at 4:45am when Dougie woke me up. On a normal day, this would have been exhausting; parenting without a break at a time no one in their right mind should be awake. But this was no normal Sunday, this was Mother’s Day, the proverbial day of rest for Mothers everywhere, in which this Mother saw no rest and was not happy. In hindsight it wasn’t terrible, I took Dougie for a foggy run and afterwards we froze outside having breakfast. Should I have aborted my original plan and just let him watch Moana like he asked? Probably. But at least it kept him occupied till naptime and he was dressed all warm and toasty and thoroughly enjoyed himself. Until he tried to eat the table so we left.

In California we’re prone to earthquakes, so we have kits stored in our homes for such emergencies (if you live in California and don’t know what I’m talking about, consider this is a PSA to purchase one of these). So I suppose for me right now, I have my Mom-Desert Survival Kit™ - for when I’m in my own personal Sahara, be it from solo parenting, a now non-pandemic pandemic that just won’t quit, or some other stressor (work, non-work, life).

Here’s what’s been in my survival kit right now :

Running.
I lean into running hard when life gets sticky and being in the desert these past week(s) I’ve leaned in even harder. Partially because the weather was so damn nice last week and I had the car, which meant freedom and access to literally any running route I wanted in the city. Now it’s given me access to do something for myself while simultaneously entertaining a toddler. Awake since 4:45am? That’s fine, let’s run to school. Nothing to do this weekend because we may or may not have been exposed to covid? No problem, let’s go run down by the trains. Legs tired? They’ll survive because this is all temporary.
we recently upgraded from our used thule to this one by guava. i love it - it works great for running but also functions fantastic as a regular, everyday stroller.
When I’m in the desert and have been up for three hours and it isn’t even 8am yet, I need an outlet for the energy that has been bottled up because I am simultaneously exhausted and wired. On Sunday after being woken up at an ungodly hour I just needed to GTFO and do something and getting outside helped. A little. It might not have totally changed my mood but it did occupy some time and prove a successful distraction for both of us.
Retail therapy
I’ve cut back on my shopping significantly since getting laid off, as there isn’t really a lot I need when I’m not leaving the house everyday and going to an office. That said I do still enjoy some digital window shopping, a little add-to-cart without ever purchasing. With the unofficial cancellation of mother’s day, I needed a little dopamine rush, the kind that comes with getting boxes in the mail. The thrill of the hunt, that feeling of trying something on that I know I’ll wear into the ground. In this situation I’d usually look for some new running shoes or gear to treat myself to, however, since I’m months away from opening my own running store I’ve put myself on a shopping ban for anything run related, and any non-running items I do purchase, are purchased through the lens of ‘can this be worn back to running shoes or apparel?’
A snippet of the things I’ve emotionally purchased in the past 72 hours that I may or may not keep :
From the RealReal :
I have a love hate relationship with the RealReal as in I mostly hate it but am obsessed with finding random one-off gems at an insane deal. The process of saving something, watching and waiting as the discount gets higher, deciding whether or not to purchase before someone else is 90% of the thrill. The RealReal is notoriously bad at describing items correctly so it’s sort of a gamble with what will actually show up at the door, but when one item out of 27 works, it makes it all worth it.
in the midst of our heat wave last week i realized i have all but one non knit tank in my closet so i think this will be a keeper. paired with these ganni tights and these diadora run shoes (made in italy!) i’d say this can successfully be worn back to run clothes? also these anita berisha bow earrings…not for running obvs.
this dress is listed as ‘evening wear’ so your guess is as good as mine as to what it’ll *actually* look like in real life. i also declared myself *not* a sundress person but i think the bottom is nylon which makes it sporty so i’m into it? paired back to this bandit run hat, saucony endorphins and a couple anklets (here, here and here) for good measure bc i think ankles are having a moment.
crazy but i’m into it. this adidas x wales bronner top, a tracksmith run bra (also for swimming!), these shorts from TRR, some tube socks bc i like them and *not* bc gen z told me to wear them, colorful birks and a seed/pearl mix bracelet
My hunt for the poor man’s Miu Mius :
Like many, I was obsessed with Miu Miu’s Spring 24 show. The styling was so effortless, and the items individually so accessible and also it all felt so close to my own personal style. The preppy mix (ie the boat shoe) combined with subtle surf elements (board shorts, rope anklets) just hit for me. I jumped on the boat shoe trend back in the Fall, and I’ve been wearing mine so often I might actually have to upgrade to a pair with more support because my foot needs are bordering on orthopedic these days.
What has been harder to find, surprisingly, are rope sandals as per the above. Perhaps we’re still too early in the season, or perhaps everyone decided to lean into the boat shoe trend instead. Either way, luckily for me on Sunday we ran by a guy wearing these sandals on his run. There seems to be a trend of dudes wearing these, as I seem to spot at least one person on my run or commute wearing them, but I had yet to see anyone wear the exact inspiration for the $900 Miu Miu sandals above. For $45, these too can be yours.
how fantastic would this outfit be? technically these sandals *are* for running, but i wouldn’t recommend. let’s just keep them relegated to the sidelines and looking cute where they belong. citizens jeans, a carhartt WIP jacket and ON run tank.
Jumping on the jelly bandwagon :
Jellies are having a moment, probably thanks in part to the Row, but they seem to be everywhere, with every brand doing their version. While I do love these, there is no way on God’s green earth I’m going to pay $890 for a shoe made of PVC, a material I’ve used in the past for flip flops that cost $1. Other iterations are a bit too femme/retro for me but these fit my vibe. They’re like an elevated havaiana and I’m into it. Jelly upper, leather base, I can see these becoming my go-to spring/summer/fall shoe option. If I was looking for something a little dressier, a little more feminine, I’d opt for these in a heartbeat. Something about the dark base with the jelly upper modernizes the shoe and gives it a bit of an edge.
technically no run clothes here but all easy enough to throw on after. plus it’s such a classic shape i know they’ll work with any of the run shorts/bras/tanks i own. these are the sandals - i’m into the red color bc it kinda looks a little pink but the other colors are nice too. sporty & rich baseball tee but i’d prob just wear something vintage i already own, this puffy heart necklace, and some oversized khakis.

This is apparently the week that keeps giving because I somehow managed to render my work gmail, the one that I’ve set up for my store, the one I use to communicate with vendors, inoperable. If anyone who reads this newsletter understands anything to do with technology, feel free to DM me before I make another emotional purchase I do not need.

On that note, a friendly reminder that covid is still very much alive and well, and to take care of yourselves. Drink orange juice, take your vitamins, and if you believe in vaccines (which I hope you do but in this day and age never a given), stay up-to-date on all your boosters.